You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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