Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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