...so i touched it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
