He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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