Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize