Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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