pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
