I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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