I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
