Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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