My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
