I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
