A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
