I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize