Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
