Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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