LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize