I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
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