Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
my liver is dry heaving
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize