Buhtt sex?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
