of course. lets lasso hookers.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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