You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
two words: eviction party
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
