She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
