im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
