My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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