Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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