Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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