I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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