I think my vagina is haunted
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
