a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
