omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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