As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
