Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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