i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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