My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
