I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
