You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
