just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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