totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize