i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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