he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
