I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
