Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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