Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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