so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
