youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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