he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
