You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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