I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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