I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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