check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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