Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
