omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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