I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
