so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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