It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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