So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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