WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
