Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
