So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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