First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
