Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
