dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
