"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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