They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
