I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
