she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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