I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
