Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
