god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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